ashleyy (ashley_disaster) wrote,

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ok. so i thought i had a handle on some things... im guessing yes and no......
um.. i havent really been going the all the meetings i want to go too... like i am so lazy. i dont ever want to get out of bed, all i do is watch tv. like i dont have any motivation. i mean i do... i just dont really want to do anything.. i dont know why this is happening. i want him to get out of there so we can start everything the way its suppost to be. i just dont like how this is turning out right now. i dont know everything is so fucked up and my parents are just making this worse for me. i dont know. i know what i have to do. and i have been doing it mostly i have been reading the book and praying and everything but im not exactly sure if im doing this right. i dont know its just really really really really hard. but its so freaking simple it makes me sick. and i just dont know i am completely clueless at the moment. i want to be with him and thats all i can think about. i am hoping this just isnt the addict talking to me. i hope not so bad because all i want is him and i want to do this with him. well at least have him there for me to talk to not just over the phone but in person i dont know. its been almost 2 weeks and i am going fucking insane. maybe its just the sexual tension between us everytime that we talk. i just miss him so much that i cry alot over it and this is all wrong. i do not need to be caught up in him. i have to do this for myself. i mean i reconize the problem but its not as nearly as bad as anyone else. and yes that is wrong too. i have the problem and its there, i know its there. god please help me.
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