ashleyy (ashley_disaster) wrote,

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 so yeah.  I am falling, hard.
what this boy does to me I have no idea but what ever it is, I cant ever get enough.
He is the most wonderful person Ive ever met.
He makes me be so understanding with everything.
When I am having a mental meltdown I talk to him and in a matter of seconds my world is flipped back into place.
This past 6 months with him has been the happiest Ive ever been. Like ever.

alright. so its like been exactly one year since my brother passed away.
How its been one year already I have no freaking clue.
Its been such a roller coaster being sober.
acutally feeling emotions instead of drinking them down.
being able to help myself and most important others.

I wish sometimes I didnt feel like Im in another universe.
I feel like a completely different person.  
and for only a few moments I can feel like the 'old' ashley. but then im snapped back into the 'new' one.
Like I would feel like im a teenager without a care in the world.
Then I am a mommy making sure my day and everything else is in order.
I do try to hold on to those moments, they are getting few and far in between.

this whole angel issue has me spooked.
because all i think about is jason.  feeling like someone is watching me that im never alone.
I do not like that feeling.  or i am just a paranoid freak. hahaha who knows.

well i am going to sleep.
tomorrow should be pretty hard for me because everyone else.
everyone is so scared, trying to run and hide.
i cant.
i wont.
saturday i see my ann<3
sunday is aa picnic/softball game @ 1:30  st.johns church on wayne rd next to marshall jr high.
[if you want to have some fun with some sober people come and hang out and eat some yummy food with us!]
i am excitedddddd 

my legs hurt :[

my della is so cute.

good night moon.

i always read that book to ali when i put her to sleep hahaha
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