ashleyy (ashley_disaster) wrote,
ashleyy
ashley_disaster

update

so its like 3am, i have to get up at 7 and start driving to KY with jeff and my moms best friends daughter, we are driving her to school in ky.  we brought her home for the summer and i LOVE driving long distances i just love it so i am way excited about it....well expect the part where its 3am and im not going to sleep but a mear 4 hours or something. we are just driving there unloading her crap and driving right back.  

jeff and i spend a lot of time together all at once and then a few days apart and then repeated...  i love that.  before it was together all the time all the time, i wasnt getting sick or him or anything like that [in any other relationship i would have found something i didnt like and got out of there quick, fast, and in a hurry.]  I just wasnt getting enough ashleyy time.  and i get that now, it makes me so grateful to know i have this man in my life to whom is everything to me and i am everything to him including my daughter.  i couldnt ask for anything like this.  he was handed to me by god and how everything is like perfect who freaking knows.  it almost makes me sick to know i am in a healthy relationship and we are happy and we are growing together.  who knows kittys this could be it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH only one day at a time. really.

today Ali and i walked 7 miles.  my legs feel like they are going to fall off.  I havent ate anything but a half of sandwitch and like 5 glasses of iced tea and a cup of coffee.  what am i thinking?

well i obviously am not.  Yesterday was jeffs birthday, we went out to pontiac lake and he skiied and we swam and had a picnic it was so cute.  we took some pictures, one day i will finally get my hands on them or something?  just things are going really well right now and i am so scared im going to do something to screw them up.  ive felt this way for quite a while now and i seem to be doing great but its just that fear of the past that i just need to let go.  sometimes is SOOO easy and sometimes i have to twist my arm to just accept things, people, places, sitiutions the way they are and just make sure i am doing what i need to do.  because that is what HE wants me to do.
well its wayyy late and if i dont sleep i will hate myself tomorrow.
i love you jesus.
<3

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