ashleyy (ashley_disaster) wrote,

so um.

So, my daughters father came out to she her.....
It was really horrible on her because when we got to where we were meeting at, she was suppost to be going to sleep right then.
but I kept her up for a while.  She woke me up screaming with night terrors TWICE.  and then all day today she wouldnt take a nap, she was just crying all day and NOTHING i could do could even make her smile until before I was leaving for school.
I got so angry because she has never ever acted like this before and it just is freaking me out because how is that she sees him and then acts like that?
I do think babies are much smarter than what anyone gives them credit for.  I dont know but I really didnt like it.
He is totally expecting me to put him on the BC and do it all myself and here is his reasoning...-she will be taken care of with child support, be on my insurance, if anything to happen she would get everything he has-  Ok, I do understand that. BUT I have her on Michigan-Mychild insurance and they cover EVERYTHING. I can support her on my own, I mean have been doing that for 9 months now..  I dont need his dirty money anyways. 
I dont know.  Maybe Im just being resentful.  I just do not trust him.  Him driving all the way from Pittsburgh to see her for like an hour and a half WAY past her bed time.  That didnt make to much sense to me.  (oh and he spent twice as much time with his brothers and sisters and mother, OH and he brought them presents!) Oh and the night before hanging up on me when we were talking about what was going on and I called him at least 3 times and claimed when he tries to call my cellphone it doesnt work so he called my parents house at 11am and tells them he is on his way. BUT calls me 9times total yesterday? sigh. I do admit when he met her he spent like 150$ on diapers and formula. but NOTHING else since.
It just really bothers me that he is trying pushing this all on me.  He was talking to me like I was one of his soldiers or something.  Like this is a big deal but not big enough for me to do all on my own.  Im doing EVERYTHING for her and I have been since day one.  Why is it that he expects me to co-sign his bullshit and do the work for him?  I am not his mother or his jailbait girlfriend he has.  I am taking care of my responsibilitys and that is all Im going to do.   Yes I dont need to deal with the courts and all the crap that comes with it.  BUT If I have to for him to learn some responsibility then so be it.  Im not doing shit for him.  I will let him see his daughter ANY TIME he wants, but Im not going to leave her side. Or them alone ever until a judge approves he is emotionally, and mentally aware and sane to have that happen.
I want to trust him, I want to hand her to him for the weekend and not worry myself to death. 
But I do have to accept that what I WANT isnt always going to happen.  I am just going to wait and pray and pray about this.
I refuse to take responsibility for him.  Its not my job.  I already have to do everything for her, give up everything in my life and whatever my needs are they always come last. 

Everything else is going really good.  Jeff and I have been spending quite a bit of time together but I love it.  It is interferring with our sleep/work/school because we dont go to sleep til like 3am  watching movies and tv. lol  Ali loves him so much I LOVE seeing her laughing and smiling with her.  It makes me so happy.  I dont know.  School is going really well.  Pretty darn easy if you ask me lol.
These first 6 weeks are almost over!  its week 5 this week.  Im not sure what my next classes are going to be. Im pretty excited :]
I dont know I am trying to figure out what im going to do next.  I need to work, but there is alot that comes with being a single mom and working. plus im going to school.  I dont want to just have my parents watch her so much, they do need time to themselves lol.  I dont know im in a pretty good mood now that I am here at school.  Im planning on going to a meeting after school BUT there is a new hannah that should be at jeffs waiting for me to watch soooo....... Im not sure what im going to do. lol.  I just know that I am so in love with him.  I would do anything for him that is for sure.  There isnt one thing that I dont like about him. 
Well break is near! so Im going to sit and watch the clock lol
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